i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
