So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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