Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
