I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize