Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
