Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
