It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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