I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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