PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
