You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ttyl tear gas
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
