the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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