i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
