Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
