I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
