He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
