im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
