I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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