He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
