Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
