I accidentally burped into my bong.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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