I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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