there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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