My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
