we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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