I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dick very happy bro
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
