my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
