My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
