I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
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I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
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I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Two words: nipple clamps
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