Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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