i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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