So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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