I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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