yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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