is your mom at the bar?
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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