The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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