The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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