see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
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The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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