Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
