break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
