as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
