i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
