if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
