you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
