I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
