Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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