A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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