I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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