when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
