Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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