You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
