I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
