i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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