Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize