Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
