What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
