You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
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I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
this is an emotional support booty call
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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