he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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