why didn't you poke me back
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
