You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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