Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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