I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
