The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
