just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
this boner is exhausting
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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