I just saw a hot homeless man
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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