i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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