WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
