sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
