The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
