It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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