so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
